￼￼Some people are good savers. Regardless of how much they earn they always seem to have money set aside for special occasions and rainy days. Others, even when they have a good income, seem to be permanently broke and waiting for the next pay cheque. You probably recognise which you are.
A new study has found that more and more people have an account or credit card hidden from their partner. Money secrets can be just as harmful to a relationship as cheating. Interesting article by Anna Maxted about financial infidelity in The Times, with commentary from Simonne Gnessen.
Flic Everett, 46, is in debt, has no pension and does not own her own property, so she put her trust in me to help her get a grip on her finances, and to improve her relationship to money.
This article in the FeMail gives you Flic’s account of what she got out of our sessions and from the work she prepared in advance of us meeting. It also gives you insight into what goes on in a coaching session and some of the exercises I use.
Having worked with clients in a coaching capacity for over 15 years now, I know that Financial Coaching changes people’s lives for the better. Often the reason for someone’s money problems is rooted in their relationship with, and attitudes towards, money rather than their knowledge and understanding of finance.
What I also know is that unfortunately the vast majority of people still don’t know that financial support outside of traditional advice exists.
That’s why I was delighted when ELLE, the world’s best-selling fashion magazine, asked to come and experience a Financial Coaching session.
You can read Alex Holder’s full write-up here: Meet the money doctor who will change your life.
Happy International Women's Day!
I'm getting really excited about taking part in the WOW Festival this weekend. I'll be there 3-4pm on Friday as part of a panel discussing risk, exposure and resilience. And also delivering a worksop 'Getting Personal with Finance' 3-4pm on Saturday, where I'll be taking women through the 7 Laws of Sheconomics and answering audience questions.
Passes for the festival are now sold out, but come and see me if you're there! @WOWtweetUK #WOWLDN
This month our inboxes are overloaded with motivational messages, pinging at you like a hyperactive personal trainer: Lose weight! Get fit! Stop smoking! Start training! Write that book! Sort out your money! I'm advocating a calmer, gentler approach to achieving your financial goals; scaling down intentions to a manageable level. If you set yourself up to succeed, you'll be rewarded with an upward spiral of belief and trust in yourself.
Are you getting pulled in by all this Black Friday hype?
Ant Bullock from Do Something Different - the company inspiring millions of people to do something different one Do at a time - interviewed me to ask why we're so likely to be pulled in by Back Friday and what we can do to resist. Here's an extract of our conversation:
I transitioned from being a traditional financial adviser to a financial coach partly as a result of asking myself this question: 'Why don’t we do what we know we need to do?'. I became interested in opening my doors to people who had challenges and blocks when it comes to money. My research since then has been focussed on ways I can provide, not only practical solutions, but also address the obstacles that get in the way of financial success.
That was why I became interested in the ‘Do Something Different (DSD)’ approach. Professor Karen Pine, with whom I co-wrote Sheconomics, is one of the founders.
DSD have created a range of innovative online behaviour change programmes, designed by Psychology Professors and delivered by text and email. Each cost only £14 for a 6 week programme. The principle behind it is that...
I was interviewed by a journalist recently who wanted to write an article about ‘financial therapy’ - a combination of financial advice and therapy for unhelpful money behaviours - that is currently popular in the US.
The article - Do you need financial therapy? – was published by The Guardian this week. While I don’t describe myself as a therapist, my work often involves helping clients address the emotions they experience surrounding the subject of money and helping shift unconscious patterns of behaviour around money.
As well as interviewing me about my work, we did some work on the journalist’s relationship with money so that she could experience what I do. She’d never before given much thought to her relationship with money.
What was revealing was that she can get herself out of trouble but can’t maintain that forward momentum once it no longer feels like a problem. We did an exercise where I got her to personify her relationship with money, and what came to her was ambivalence, disinterest and discomfort about engaging with money. We realised that her focus was on survival: getting through the month, paying off debts, but not on thriving.
I always find it interesting how often we hold ourselves back. How often female clients, in particular, voice their concern over feeling like a fraud professionally despite sincere recognition from the outside world and extensive experience within their profession. Yet, despite that external acknowlegment, internally there's something else going on.
I've noticed that many of us experience an internal conflict. While a part of us knows who we are and what we're capable of, at some level, another part may believe the complete opposite. 'Who am I to achieve/desire/deserve that?’. Sometimes it feels like there’s a fight going on inside with both parts vying for attention and neither getting heard.
I do a lot of work with this in relation to people’s behaviour around money. One part of you ...
I was chatting to my hairdresser the other day, having the conversation we’re all having at this time of year: “You all set for Christmas? Done your shopping yet?” She said she was all ready, excited for her young children aged 7 and 10, and revealed that her budget was £500 per child.
I left the hairdresser reeling a bit from this figure, and the wider implications of that kind of spend. It set me thinking about what we’re actually giving our children at Christmas. Every parcel under the Christmas tree is wrapped not just in sparkly paper and ribbons, but in many layers of belief and attitudes and values. While the actual presents may soon be forgotten, these extra layers often stay with people for their whole lives – affecting how they deal with money, love and giving in adulthood.
It's these beliefs and attitudes...
The words ‘money’ and ‘worries’ go together so often they can seem inseparable. For many people, their relationship with money is fraught with anxiety. In Sheconomics we talk about ‘Money Anxiety Disorder’ (MAD) – a fixation with money worries and a persistent sensation of simply not having enough. I also come across something I call ‘net worth anxiety’ – where people assess themselves at a certain stage of life and compare themselves to friends or colleagues or to their own expectations, and feel that they’ve fallen behind.
Money worries can leave you trapped in a relentless cycle of anxiety.
“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear." - Ambrose Redmoon.
I was just standing in a queue in a newsagent where the guy in front of me was buying a lottery ticket, reflecting on a conversation I had this morning with a client. He was telling me about a book called 'The Big Leap' where the author, Gay Hendricks, talks about how fear and excitement create the same sensations in our body, but that we try to get rid of the feeling of fear by holding our breath. Excitement can also turn into fear by holding our breath - just think 'rollercoaster rides'!
Instead, he suggests, that...
Are you interested in creating a money breakthrough in your life or business?
I'm excited to be taking part in a fabulous FREE online event, run by my friend Helen Vandenberghe, alongside 19 other experts. My interview airs on Wednesday 27th August at 10am GMT, so register now to tune in! Register at http://www.getclientsfast.net. Or use this link to direct you straight to the teleseminar: http://instantteleseminar.com/?eventid=57994617.
My session will help you discover how to:
- Apply the 7 Laws of Sheconomics to your business
- Challenge your emotions and beliefs about money
- Embrace looking at the numbers
- Make your money fit with your life plan
- Break the taboo of talking
- about money
- Take action to secure your future
And there's a special offer for those who tune in on the day.
We can learn a lot from other people's experiences. Here's some recent money lessons that clients have shared:
Behavioural economics explores why people sometimes make irrational decisions. Laurie's TED Talk shows how monkeys make the same mistakes as we do when it comes to money.
Read on for some other interesting TED talks on the topic of our relationship with money...
By Marianne Curphey
Published: 15 April 2014
Think about the last time you went shopping for no particular reason. Perhaps it was a sunny Saturday afternoon, maybe just after hearing some excellent news. Or maybe it was a rainy, cold day, and you had just been through a breakup. Whether you're fuelling your good disposition or aiming to make yourself feel better, your mood has more impact on your spending than you may think. But there are ways to fight the urge to splurge.
Spending can often fill a void and I’m always looking at ways to help clients lead more fulfilling lives, and use money in the most effective ways to create the lives they most desire.
At last scientists are starting to discover what really makes us happy. And now you can put it into action.
Do Something Different (the movement co-founded by Professor Karen Pine, co-author of Sheconomics) has teamed up with Action for Happiness to create Do Happiness. It’s all about less moaning and more appreciating.
After two years of fun writing, we're excited to say that Sheconomics, is finally on the bookshelves! We were lucky enough to get a double page spread in The Times about the book, written by Carol Midgley.
If you don't subscribe to The Times you won't be able to read the article in full, so here it is...