Is money avoidance holding you back?
You know that feeling when you avoid opening a bank statement or keep putting off that overdue bill? When your stomach tightens just thinking about money - so you tell yourself you’ll deal with it tomorrow?
If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. It’s what the Times recently described as being a “financial ostrich” - burying your head in the sand when things feel too overwhelming to face. I was invited to contribute to the article because this is something I see so often in my work as a financial coach. And not because people are careless or incapable - far from it. The people I work with are thoughtful, intelligent, resourceful.
But money can tap into all sorts of emotions we don’t always realise we’re carrying. We often think of money as logical - numbers, facts, decisions. But in reality, our relationship with money is deeply emotional. It’s shaped by our upbringing, experiences, and the stories we’ve absorbed over time. And when that emotional load gets too heavy, avoidance often creeps in.
What money avoidance really looks like
Financial avoidance isn’t about being lazy or irresponsible. It’s often our nervous system trying to protect us from discomfort, shame, fear, or even grief. It might look like:
- Putting off checking your account balance
- Leaving bills unopened in a drawer
- Spending on a credit card with no clear plan to repay it
- Feeling frozen when faced with financial admin
- Avoiding pensions or future planning because it feels too complex, too far away or too confronting
For some of my clients, avoidance has shown up in subtle but powerful ways. One self-employed person wasn’t invoicing for work they’d already done - not because they didn’t want to be paid, but because asking for money brought up feelings of guilt and inadequacy. Another avoided looking at an inheritance because it didn’t feel like “their” money. And for many, even logging into a banking app can trigger panic, not because they don’t understand the numbers, but because emotionally it feels too much.
So how do we begin to shift that?
Not with blame. Not with a strict budget spreadsheet. And definitely not with someone telling you what you “should” be doing.
Real change doesn’t start with strategy. It starts with self-awareness. Noticing the avoidance, naming it for what it is - and approaching it through the lens of curiosity rather than criticism. This might mean starting really small. One client began by simply opening their banking app once a day, without any expectation to act on it. Another kept a notebook by the kettle and wrote down one small money task while waiting for the water to boil.
It’s these tiny acts of turning towards what we’ve been avoiding that begin to loosen the grip.
Facing the numbers - and the feelings behind them
Take Claire, for example. She decided to do a full subscriptions audit. She’d known for a while that her monthly outgoings felt high, but hadn’t quite summoned the energy to face the detail. When she finally sat down with her statements, what came up wasn’t just surprise at how much she was spending - it was emotional resistance. “I really didn’t want to see them,” she admitted. “It took a concerted effort… and even after that, I found more I hadn’t realised.”
This is often how avoidance plays out - not as dramatic denial, but as a gentle, persistent reluctance to look. Sometimes it’s not until we face the numbers that we realise what we’ve been carrying in the background. In Claire’s case, just naming it and starting to cancel some of those unused subscriptions gave her a powerful sense of agency and relief.
Avoidance loses its grip when we turn towards the thing we’ve been avoiding - and meet it with curiosity, not criticism.
What helps most isn’t a perfect plan - it’s a shift in mindset
When we meet our money stories with curiosity, not criticism, we create space for change. From there, you can begin to ask new questions. What would it look like to feel calm around money? What are the stories I’ve inherited that no longer serve me? What small act today would help me feel more in charge?
And if you’re in a relationship, these conversations can be even more powerful - and complex. Many couples fall into roles where one person “handles” the money, and the other disengages. But long-term, that avoidance can strain trust and connection. Talking about your shared goals, values, and fears around money can be a brave and bonding thing to do.
You’re not alone - and you’re not broken
If you recognise yourself in any of this, know that it’s incredibly common. Avoidance is human. And it doesn’t mean you’re bad with money - just that there might be more going on beneath the surface than numbers alone.
How coaching can help
This is where financial coaching comes in. Coaching isn’t about someone swooping in with all the answers. It’s about creating a safe, non-judgemental space to explore your relationship with money, gently untangle the patterns behind your behaviour, and support you to take action in ways that feel sustainable.
Sometimes that means helping you reframe an old story about what you deserve. Sometimes it’s about building a structure you can trust. Often, it starts with simply holding space long enough for you to hear your own thoughts.
Financial coaching won’t tell you what to do with your money. But it will help you ask better questions, understand your patterns, and take steps that feel realistic and empowering.
And you don’t have to do it alone. Financial coaching offers a safe, supportive space to untangle the emotions behind money and explore what’s really going on, without judgement. Together, we can make sense of the patterns, shift what’s been holding you back, and build a way forward that feels sustainable.
If you’d like to take that first step, get in touch with me here. I’d love to hear from you.
Curious to read more? I recently contributed to this article in The Times about financial avoidance and how to gently face what we fear: Don’t ignore that bank statement – The Times
Click here to find out about Financial Coaching or training to become a Financial Coach
Image by Christer Andreasson from Pixabay
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