how to break free from doom spending
“Doom spending” has become a common coping mechanism - shopping to soothe stress, sadness or overwhelm. In the moment it can feel like relief, even a small act of control. But afterwards it often leaves us with guilt, regret, or emptier bank accounts.
The good news is that doom spending isn’t a life sentence. By understanding the emotional triggers behind it and making a few gentle shifts, it’s possible to step out of the cycle and feel calmer, more in control, and more connected to what truly matters.
I was recently interviewed for a Sun article on this very topic, drawing on what I see in my work with clients. What often surprises people is just how closely their money habits are tied to their emotions - and how powerful it can be to bring a little more awareness and compassion into the mix.
Why doom spending happens
It's is rarely about the item itself. More often, it’s an attempt to manage uncomfortable feelings - stress, anxiety, sadness, anger, or just the sheer overload of daily life.
I’ve worked with clients who:
- Spent online late at night as a way of 'coming up for air' when emotions felt too heavy.
- Found themselves filling baskets while doom-scrolling the news, trying to escape that sense of helplessness.
- Used shopping as a quiet act of rebellion against the pressures of motherhood - a way to reclaim a slice of identity amid the chaos.
- Bought things to mask feelings of loneliness, boredom, or frustration, then felt the weight of regret afterwards.
- Spent impulsively on clothes or homeware they didn’t need, chasing the dopamine hit of the purchase rather than the item itself.
In all these cases, the purchase wasn’t really about the clothes, gadgets or treats. It was about what buying represented in that moment - relief, escape, comfort or a sense of control.
Spotting the signs in yourself
So how do you know if your spending is tipping into doom spending?
Some common red flags I see are:
- Impulsive, almost automatic shopping - clicking links without thinking.
- A dopamine hit at the point of purchase, followed by guilt, shame or secrecy.
- Hiding items from a partner, or brushing it off with “this old thing, I’ve had it for ages”.
- Patterns around timing: late at night, after stressful days, when feeling tired, lonely, or emotionally drained.
Becoming curious about when and why you spend can be the first step to breaking the cycle.
Practical and emotional ways forward
Clients often come to me wanting to find ways to stop spending, but what really helps is combining small practical steps with emotional awareness.
- Track more than money: Jot down not just what you bought, but how you felt at the time and what triggered it. Apps that let you add notes to transactions can be useful here.
- Press pause: A simple rule - leave items in your basket for 24–48 hours. It gives emotions time to settle and often the urge fades.
- Raise the barrier: Delete stored card details, remove one-click options, or even request a replacement card so you don’t know the numbers by heart.
- Stay curious: Instead of beating yourself up, pause to ask: What am I feeling right now? What do I want to feel? How else could I meet that need?
- Find gentler outlets: Swap the quick hit of shopping for something that truly nurtures you - a walk, music, talking to a friend, or a hobby that grounds you.
Rethinking your relationship with your phone
For many people, the phone is where uncontrolled spending begins. With shopping apps and adverts only a tap away, it’s easy to slip into autopilot. Late at night or in moments of stress, the phone can quickly become the place we go for comfort - and that’s often when impulsive purchases creep in.
A simple but powerful shift is to create some distance. One client told me that keeping her phone on charge in another room overnight helped her break the pattern of late-night spending. Without the constant temptation beside her bed, she had the space to unwind in other ways.
It doesn’t always mean putting the phone away completely. Sometimes it’s about choosing something more nourishing when you pick it up. Instead of opening a shopping app, clients have found comfort in:
- Listening to a podcast or audiobook
- Using a mindfulness or breathing app to reset
- Scrolling through saved photos or notes that spark gratitude
- Sending a message to a friend when feeling lonely or low
The phone doesn’t have to be the enemy - it can also be a tool for connection and calm when used consciously. The key is to pause and ask yourself: what do I really need right now?
A compassionate shift
What I’ve learned from working with many clients over the years is that this type of uncontrolled spending is never just about money. It’s a signal. It points to unmet needs, feelings we haven’t given ourselves space to acknowledge, or identities we’re struggling to hold onto.
One client realised her online shopping habit wasn’t about the clothes arriving at her door, but it was about the comfort and distraction she craved when the house finally fell silent and the day’s emotions caught up with her. Together we explored ways to spot the triggers and rehearsed other ways to meet that need: journalling her thoughts, brewing a calming tea, chatting to a friend or booking in a yoga class for the next morning. With time, she swapped those late night midnight purchases for a different rituals. It didn’t happen overnight, but over time she built new habits that left her calmer, lighter, and much more in control of both her money and her emotions.
Doom spending isn’t a personal failing. It’s often a sign that you’re doing your best to cope. With curiosity and compassion, it can become the doorway to understanding yourself more deeply - and to finding healthier ways of caring for your needs.
If you recognise yourself in this and you’d like to break free from the cycle, financial coaching could give you the space and support to explore the emotions behind your spending and create lasting change.
Get in touch with me here to start your journey towards a calmer, more confident relationship with money.
You can also read the Sun article I was interviewed for on this topic.
Comments
| There are no comments for this entry yet. |